I couldn’t sleep last night, again. I was so unsure of what the day would bring.
And my heart has been so weary regarding my boys. Especially my Leo. Leo is 3 turning 4 in September and, man, is he smart!
Somehow, he feels that things aren’t quite right at home anymore.
The morning was pretty rough for us. It was a school day and, unfortunately, Mommy and Daddy couldn’t take him to school. This is not the first time this happened, but he just wouldn’t stop crying. It’s been like this since we received my diagnosis. Buckled in and crying in his seat, I kissed him and said, “You are so brave. I love you.”
Arriving up to one of many doctor’s appointments that day, I wiped my tears and approached the office where the fertility specialist was waiting.
After several hours there, my heart was saddened to hear that the possibility of having another child was pretty much “non-existent.”
For those of you who know my husband, you also know his heart desperately desired another child (especially a little girl).
Instantly I thought: “I will never be able to give my husband the little girl he’s always wanted to call him Daddy”.
I was second guessing everything – all of the decisions I had made up to this point – and thought that because of it, I was brought to this conclusion.
This is the enemy. This is how he works. A good friend reminded me that he shows up uninvited and places doubt and insecurity where there should be none.
Emilio and I came in with a plan of action and it failed.
We were forced to be ok with that.
The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
Sitting next to me was a couple that had been trying to conceive, but every attempt was a failed one, and they, unfortunately, couldn’t ever have children.
God reminded me that I was still blessed. Even when it hurts thinking about it, I rejoice in the fact that I HAVE a family already. I have been BLESSED with two amazing boys.
I was reminded that some people don’t quite have that chance. Many people go through this life alone and without a family. My heart goes out to them.
If you are in a situation in your life where things are unfair, or decisions are being made for you, I ask you to look around to what you have. I promise you – it’s enough, and you are blessed.
Be thankful today. I myself am learning to be thankful every day.
“In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
I sat by Leo’s bedside that night and just prayed over him. I thanked God so much for my baby! I thanked him for allowing me to be a Mommy. Then, I whispered to him, “Duermete mi Amor.” Go to sleep, my love.
I wanted him to know that I wasn’t leaving or going anywhere. I held up his hand and sang “I love you forever” until he fell asleep.
You see, his little heart doesn’t understand what’s going on. We haven’t told him just yet that Mommy is sick, but we can show him to praise God, even when it hurts. When his little heart is anxious, we can remind him that God is sovereign and in control. That He will never leave us nor forsake us.
So I kissed his forehead and let him fall asleep knowing I was right there.
What a sweet picture of Jesus in my life. He calms my anxious heart. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He reminds me that he is in control.
And he is always right there.