I sat in church, tissues shredding in my nervous hands, as tears threatened to spill and the knot in my throat tightened. I was slowly losing it in the back pew that morning. The sanctuary, usually a refuge, felt heavy with my unshed tears and unvoiced fears.

I had a choice: Lead with honesty or pretend everything was okay.

The pastor had just read Isaiah 6:8, where the Lord asks, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” In response, Isaiah boldly replies, “Here am I. Send me!” His words rang in my ears, a beautiful invitation to serve, to respond to God’s call.

I took a deep breath and slowly shrunk in my chair. I longed for Isaiah’s boldness. I wanted to utter that courageous YES, badly. After all, it seemed to come so effortlessly for him. But for me? How could God use me in the midst of my mess? I’m the pastor’s wife. How could I lead and comfort others when I needed help myself?

In that moment, the weight of expectation bore down on me. I felt the urge to hide, to retreat into a facade of strength. With all the excuses I had to pretend everything was okay, honesty beckoned. And the tears came.

I know I’m not alone in feeling broken, disqualified, and uncertain. You’ve likely felt this way too. Perhaps you’ve found yourself in a similar situation, grappling with your own fears and doubts. However, what if I told you that our pain doesn’t disqualify us from Kingdom work? Instead, it’s often the catalyst that allows us to be used by God like never before.

Truth is, God can’t bless who we pretend to be, but He profoundly uses our broken, honest hearts.

In our vulnerability, we find strength. We discover that our weaknesses can be a platform for God’s grace to shine through. Isaiah’s “yes” was possible because he knew God would guide and equip him for the task ahead. His heart cried out, “I am undone, but You are my sufficiency.” (Isaiah 6:5) He didn’t need to be perfect; he simply had to show up whole – pain and all. And you and I have permission to do the same.

That morning, I realized that we preach the gospel best when we need it most. It is through our struggles that we can empathize with others, share the grace we’ve received, and extend hope to the weary. Jesus Himself was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). He understands our pain and walks with us through it. We can take comfort in knowing that His strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Friend, God wants to use you, just as He used Isaiah. Authentic surrender is what He desires – not tidy perfection. When we lay our burdens down at His feet, we create space for His love to overflow in our lives and touch the lives of those around us. 

May God bless you in all your faithful, deep breaths of pain and all your courageous replies of “yes.” Let your heart echo the words of Isaiah, knowing that God equips the called and meets us in our brokenness. We are never alone in our struggles, and through Him, we find purpose. Let it be, in Jesus’ name.